Colors

Selam.. i hope many of u r having a wonderful rest during the chinese new year holiday.. many must be taking breaks.. n some perhaps recieving angpows from their dearest chinese friends…wei.. nak jugak!!!!

İ am not one of those people who grew up with a lot of self confidence in me..despite all the public speaking activities i had when i was in high school.. despite all the titles i had held in high school…all those various competitions (even at the national level) again in high school..those camping trips in my tertiary years…though i have a strong mind of my own..i am not loud to voice them… (what is wrong with me???).. instead.. i prefer to just sit back.. n listen n do my own personal evaluation…thus making me a potrayal of someone who has a low self esteem......someone no one really noticed..

Even since i was small, i had this one fascination.. white people with white pointy nose.. i think it must have been from too much watching tv….i came to the conclusion that white skin.. blond hair.. blue or green eyes n pointy nose r superior looking people..whereas..people like myself.. dark skin.. flat nose… bla bla bla.. r more inferior..

I remember when i was in Standard 1.. darjah satu biru …we had this one girl who is of mixed blood (wan salina).. ….she was(is?) really fair skin.. straight hair.. u know.. the beautiful mix blood.. i was fascinated by her… she continued studying in the same school as i till Standard 6..still as beautiful as ever..n no.. i was not like the dog tagging her every move hahahah.. i had my own circle of friends.. i said i was fascinated by her.. not *crazily in love* with her .. :0)

Then, we moved to Langkawi.. a place where u see tourists far too often.. again..my fascination continued……it was interesting to just sit at one spot n watch those fair skinned people walk…

Then, i got to know Halil.. well.. he is another matter altogether…. İ didnt *love* him for his fair skin…but it was an advantage though hehehehe

İ remember how i used to ask him.. * u have all those beautiful high pointed nose , fair skinned turkish girls over there.. why do u choose this short, dark skinned, flat nose girl?*

Cant remember his answer now hahahahahahahahaahhahah I’d like to think that no girls wanted him..which is not true of course coz when some of his girl students heard that he went to malaysia to get married.. some of them cried heheheehehehehe…i am sure he regretted not approaching them before deciding marriage to me hahahahaha..

Anyway.. for a year or two.. my fascination towards these white skin pointed nose people continued..somehow still conscious of my flat nose dark skin feature.. now that i think back.. after more than 7 years blending into their culture.. living together with these so called white skinned..pointed nose people.. i come to realize how silly i was… what people keep saying is true.. beauty is skin deep..

Nowadays.. i dont see Halil for example as the white guy as i used to view him as.. i see him as Halil.. what i know him is what i see him… the same thing with the rest of the family members n the people i have come to know n love here… to the eyes of an outsider… they r the white people.. to met they r just who i know them as.. helpful, kind hearted souls…Not all white people r good n not all coloured people r bad.. nobody is superior.. it is the heart n one’s actions that determine who one is…in the eyes of man.. n the eyes of Allah (God)

We in hot countries r created as such.. coloured to better stand the heat… the flat nose.. for a beter cooling system in the body.. we r created so brilliantly by Allah..each different in their own way.. n to think i was complaining? What an ungrateful brat i was huh?

I feel good being me..

Enough of my mumbling.. have a nice holiday! I hope it is not too late to wish all our chinese Friends

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Thank You for hopping by...Hope to see u again the next time..