I'm back!
us busy selecting the chocolates n sweets for bayram...chocs n sweets r a must for every house...
my princess
my prince
2 siblings
my family, kurban bayram 2007
my beloved and i
my angels and i
the lights of my heart..the ones i will be lost without...
3 cousins..ediz,baddin,ekrem
merve in her seductive pose
baddin,hatice,zeynep,keremcan
hatice n zeynep
minik mustafa
baddin,ülya elif,ekrem, ediz..
my princess
my prince
2 siblings
my family, kurban bayram 2007
my beloved and i
my angels and i
the lights of my heart..the ones i will be lost without...
3 cousins..ediz,baddin,ekrem
merve in her seductive pose
baddin,hatice,zeynep,keremcan
hatice n zeynep
minik mustafa
baddin,ülya elif,ekrem, ediz..busy mumching bayram chocolates... hence the cute movement of their lil mouths hehehe
our family without baba... mahture yenge joined the family this bayram...
hatice dancing
merve busy teaching the girls dance steps...
the two guys in my heart... father n son... after playing football in the living room (at 11pm!!)
how was our Bayram? Well... u could say that this year is different... For one thing, we are minus one member of the family. Normally, in the morning, after the raya prayer, the male in the family will go to the slaughtering place and will select a few sheeps and get the man in chargeto slaughter them... later some of the meat will be brought home... cut and will be cooked into the kurban bayram traditional kavurma dish .
This year however, due to the recent event, all the siblings decided to just pay the kurban money to the bodies in charge and not get the animals slaughtered in the morning as we always do every year... instead, the kavurma was made from the meat bought from the supermarket.
Alhamdulillah, this bayram went off with the least tears. We all got together at baba's place...This year, mahture yenge decided to stay in istanbul for bayram... so next to the traditional kavurma, she cooked other dishes as well..she was acting as the elder one in place of baba this year...
There is a tradition in this family.... normally after the death of a person, the first eid/bayram after that, people will come to visit his house.. as a way of saying condolences i suppose. That is why this year, all the zaim siblings, for the first 3 days of bayram, we all simply stayed at baba's place from morning till night.... entertaining the guests. We also somehow knew deep down that.... this might be the last time we all have our bayram there....Allah knows.. the zaim siblings will decide what will happen to the apartment...
So many things will change after this.Baba's place used to be the place where everyone meets during the weekends. After 2 or probably 3 months, that place will just be a memory.....
For me especially, every bayram,with meşe.... we used to take turns serving baba's guests. I am used to staying there for every bayram.. my kids too... it is a tradition i am used to eversince anne died... esp since my own family is far away... i dont have many doors to knock for bayram...It was easier to just serve baba's guests...the next bayram....such matter will be just a thing in the past.... the rule was simple: baba was the head of the family. People came to visit him. Not the other way around. Now that baba is gone... i guess we have to do the door knocking now...visiting relatives who used to visit baba...soo many changes......one step at a time, eh?
InsyaAllah slowly, things will go back to normal... for now, there are so many legal things the zaim siblings have to settle...i really hope they will settle those things soon coz the sooner things r settled..the faster things can go into a routine...the faster things will go back to normal...
the hospital bills? well.. remember the suite room baba had stayed for 2 weeks...?? If we are to pay the bills.... well.. frankly speaking... the family will have to sell a house for the bills.. i mean.. the operation cost... the medicines.... a suite in a private hospital?? that cant be cheap!...But the hospital demanded zero lira in payment...saying that it was an honour for them to serve sabahattin zaim...it was their last service to him....they did everything sincerely.... Allah Razı olsun... This is a simple act where money is not everything eh? that in this world where money is mainly D fucus of life..... honour and heart still matter....that when one had done so much for the people... Allah does repay his deeds even in this life.....in baba's case..free medical attention at the comfort of a king.
As for my beloved... after his mom died... it took him a year to return to his normal self... this time... though he acts cool to the outside world.. i see that he is affected more that before. ...which is normal of course.... he has lost the last link he has to a parent...it will take him more than a year to be normal again.... i hope my love for him will be enough to sustain him somehow...his calm appearance to the outside world doesnt fool me... he is as broken as hatice and baddin r inside....
Situation 1.
Location: Baba's Apartment.
Time: Bayram/raya/eid.
Ring ring... (conversation in turkish)
mıstık: Hello.
Caller: May i speak to Mr. Sabahattin please?
mistık: *gulped * He is not here.
caller: When will he be there?
mıstık: He wont be here. He died.
caller: when?
mıstık: more than a week ago. May i know who's calling please?
caller: silent.
The line went dead.
hehehehehehe the zaim family truly hope that whoever was at the other side of the line didnt get a heart attack! hehehehe since baba's death was all over the news and local media.. i am assuming that person must be probably out of tune of the latest news or perhaps that person was outside the country...
*******
Situation 2.
Time: Arife gece.. the eve of eid.
I was hugging baddin before putting him to sleep. He suddenly said.
"Anne, dede ya özledim"
(i miss my grandpa)
And so i suggested him that we read the Al fatihah together loudly.....and later…i said my prayer on behalf of baddin …again loudly…
"Ya Allah.. this Al fatihah is Sabahaddin's gift for his grandpa. Please tell his grandpa that baddin misses him. If you allow him, can you please let the grandpa come to his dream please? He needs to see his grandpa"
And all that time baddin's tears started to fall though he tried to control it.
The end result? I dreamt that baba and anne (my mom in law n dad in law) came to our home. They were so happy. I was serving them soup. .everyone was extremely happy that i suddenly woke up smiling. I felt this sensation as if someone just passed by me... a feeling that i was visited... perhaps baba was making his eid rounds?.....poor baddin... he didnt get the dream..i guess i needed to see the dream more than him maybe...Allah knows...
*******
Situation 3.
Location: Hatice's bed
Date: 3rd day of kurban eid.
She started to cry the heartbreaking cry she keeps shedding almost every nite during bed time.
Like in baddin's case.... we both read the Al fatihah loudly. We said our prayers and begged Allah to let her dede appear in her dreams once more so that she could tell him what she wanted to say. But i also reminded her that the next morning, we would be visiting her dede's graveyard. She would be able to say what she wanted to say there. She stopped crying after half an hour.
She didnt see her dede in her dreams.
The next morning, we did visit the graveyard. The zaim family has 2 grave plots. At first, we went to the other family plot where loudly, hatice and baddin read Al fatihah for the souls of those who were laid there. Then, we went to their dede's grave... Again.. 2 siblings read the Al fatihah loudly. It was after that i told both of them to tell their dede and baba anne what were in their minds and hearts. i asked them to empty out their motions there. It was the first time they went there after their grandpa died.Hatice's tears started to flow non stop as her fingers played with the soil of the grandpa's grave... Baddin came to me... asked me to hug him...though he tried to hide it, i saw tears glistening in his eyes.... hatice continued crying as halil read yassin at both of the grave plots...
It was later that we asked them what they had told their grandparents... both said almost the same thing...
both said in their own words….something like..that.....
"dede.... i love you... dede.... i miss you. .... i want to hold and kiss you... but you are inside the ground. I cannot kiss you"
Time will insyaAllah heal the pain in their hearts...though it breaks my heart when hatice keep asking me... when can i kiss my other dede in malaysia or the fact that she is holding on to the picture i gave her of her late dede… as she kisses the picture every night as she sob..…....i dream of that one moment in time when she will be able to finally say goodbye….to stop crying herself to sleep every nite. U can see 4 urself in her bayram Picture.. she doesnt really look like her normally sweet self….
*******************************************
THAnk you for hopping by. Hope to see u again the next time.....
our family without baba... mahture yenge joined the family this bayram...
hatice dancing
merve busy teaching the girls dance steps...
the two guys in my heart... father n son... after playing football in the living room (at 11pm!!)...luckily our neghbour downstairs is muyessa yenge... halil's aunty! heheheeh
I really really missed u all! a mumbler who doesnt mumble and cannot stumble on her words n the grammar of the language is not really a fulfilled mumbler eh?... how was ur bayram?
how was our Bayram? Well... u could say that this year is different... For one thing, we are minus one member of the family. Normally, in the morning, after the raya prayer, the male in the family will go to the slaughtering place and will select a few sheeps and get the man in chargeto slaughter them... later some of the meat will be brought home... cut and will be cooked into the kurban bayram traditional kavurma dish .
This year however, due to the recent event, all the siblings decided to just pay the kurban money to the bodies in charge and not get the animals slaughtered in the morning as we always do every year... instead, the kavurma was made from the meat bought from the supermarket.
Alhamdulillah, this bayram went off with the least tears. We all got together at baba's place...This year, mahture yenge decided to stay in istanbul for bayram... so next to the traditional kavurma, she cooked other dishes as well..she was acting as the elder one in place of baba this year...
There is a tradition in this family.... normally after the death of a person, the first eid/bayram after that, people will come to visit his house.. as a way of saying condolences i suppose. That is why this year, all the zaim siblings, for the first 3 days of bayram, we all simply stayed at baba's place from morning till night.... entertaining the guests. We also somehow knew deep down that.... this might be the last time we all have our bayram there....Allah knows.. the zaim siblings will decide what will happen to the apartment...
So many things will change after this.Baba's place used to be the place where everyone meets during the weekends. After 2 or probably 3 months, that place will just be a memory.....
For me especially, every bayram,with meşe.... we used to take turns serving baba's guests. I am used to staying there for every bayram.. my kids too... it is a tradition i am used to eversince anne died... esp since my own family is far away... i dont have many doors to knock for bayram...It was easier to just serve baba's guests...the next bayram....such matter will be just a thing in the past.... the rule was simple: baba was the head of the family. People came to visit him. Not the other way around. Now that baba is gone... i guess we have to do the door knocking now...visiting relatives who used to visit baba...soo many changes......one step at a time, eh?
InsyaAllah slowly, things will go back to normal... for now, there are so many legal things the zaim siblings have to settle...i really hope they will settle those things soon coz the sooner things r settled..the faster things can go into a routine...the faster things will go back to normal...
the hospital bills? well.. remember the suite room baba had stayed for 2 weeks...?? If we are to pay the bills.... well.. frankly speaking... the family will have to sell a house for the bills.. i mean.. the operation cost... the medicines.... a suite in a private hospital?? that cant be cheap!...But the hospital demanded zero lira in payment...saying that it was an honour for them to serve sabahattin zaim...it was their last service to him....they did everything sincerely.... Allah Razı olsun... This is a simple act where money is not everything eh? that in this world where money is mainly D fucus of life..... honour and heart still matter....that when one had done so much for the people... Allah does repay his deeds even in this life.....in baba's case..free medical attention at the comfort of a king.
As for my beloved... after his mom died... it took him a year to return to his normal self... this time... though he acts cool to the outside world.. i see that he is affected more that before. ...which is normal of course.... he has lost the last link he has to a parent...it will take him more than a year to be normal again.... i hope my love for him will be enough to sustain him somehow...his calm appearance to the outside world doesnt fool me... he is as broken as hatice and baddin r inside....
And i.....i am ok now... i dont have time to be drowned in any form of depression...i am doing everything i can for them....i get my own support too of course...the support i get comes in many forms...in form of my blogging friends.....my family... there was one time... it came in form of Dunkin Donuts!!! (hahaha u know who u r)...ah.. there is nothing more wonderful than to be depressed and to be able to stick my teeth into that sinful weight enchancer sugary donuts! Dear..i blame u for my weight gain so far! hahahahahahahah
*************
*************
Situation 1.
Location: Baba's Apartment.
Time: Bayram/raya/eid.
Ring ring... (conversation in turkish)
mıstık: Hello.
Caller: May i speak to Mr. Sabahattin please?
mistık: *gulped * He is not here.
caller: When will he be there?
mıstık: He wont be here. He died.
caller: when?
mıstık: more than a week ago. May i know who's calling please?
caller: silent.
The line went dead.
hehehehehehe the zaim family truly hope that whoever was at the other side of the line didnt get a heart attack! hehehehe since baba's death was all over the news and local media.. i am assuming that person must be probably out of tune of the latest news or perhaps that person was outside the country...
*******
Situation 2.
Time: Arife gece.. the eve of eid.
I was hugging baddin before putting him to sleep. He suddenly said.
"Anne, dede ya özledim"
(i miss my grandpa)
And so i suggested him that we read the Al fatihah together loudly.....and later…i said my prayer on behalf of baddin …again loudly…
"Ya Allah.. this Al fatihah is Sabahaddin's gift for his grandpa. Please tell his grandpa that baddin misses him. If you allow him, can you please let the grandpa come to his dream please? He needs to see his grandpa"
And all that time baddin's tears started to fall though he tried to control it.
The end result? I dreamt that baba and anne (my mom in law n dad in law) came to our home. They were so happy. I was serving them soup. .everyone was extremely happy that i suddenly woke up smiling. I felt this sensation as if someone just passed by me... a feeling that i was visited... perhaps baba was making his eid rounds?.....poor baddin... he didnt get the dream..i guess i needed to see the dream more than him maybe...Allah knows...
*******
Situation 3.
Location: Hatice's bed
Date: 3rd day of kurban eid.
"Anne, in my dream 3 nights ago, i saw dede (grandpa) and baba anne (grandma) at an arch shaped entrance surrounded with flowers and leaves. Dede was young in my dream. İ rushed to dede and hugged and kissed him. I wanted to say something. But suddenly i woke up and i couldnt tell him what was in my heart."
She started to cry the heartbreaking cry she keeps shedding almost every nite during bed time.
Like in baddin's case.... we both read the Al fatihah loudly. We said our prayers and begged Allah to let her dede appear in her dreams once more so that she could tell him what she wanted to say. But i also reminded her that the next morning, we would be visiting her dede's graveyard. She would be able to say what she wanted to say there. She stopped crying after half an hour.
She didnt see her dede in her dreams.
The next morning, we did visit the graveyard. The zaim family has 2 grave plots. At first, we went to the other family plot where loudly, hatice and baddin read Al fatihah for the souls of those who were laid there. Then, we went to their dede's grave... Again.. 2 siblings read the Al fatihah loudly. It was after that i told both of them to tell their dede and baba anne what were in their minds and hearts. i asked them to empty out their motions there. It was the first time they went there after their grandpa died.Hatice's tears started to flow non stop as her fingers played with the soil of the grandpa's grave... Baddin came to me... asked me to hug him...though he tried to hide it, i saw tears glistening in his eyes.... hatice continued crying as halil read yassin at both of the grave plots...
It was later that we asked them what they had told their grandparents... both said almost the same thing...
both said in their own words….something like..that.....
"dede.... i love you... dede.... i miss you. .... i want to hold and kiss you... but you are inside the ground. I cannot kiss you"
Time will insyaAllah heal the pain in their hearts...though it breaks my heart when hatice keep asking me... when can i kiss my other dede in malaysia or the fact that she is holding on to the picture i gave her of her late dede… as she kisses the picture every night as she sob..…....i dream of that one moment in time when she will be able to finally say goodbye….to stop crying herself to sleep every nite. U can see 4 urself in her bayram Picture.. she doesnt really look like her normally sweet self….
I have talked to her class teacher. I know she has been getting emotional support from her teacher. i am grateful for that. Her teacher has been very supportive of her eversince her dede got sick, taking tabs of her emotional well being. Next to the love, hugs, kisses and the words of comfort i can shower her, i am also making sure that both my kids listen to yasin on the mp3 player during bedtime... with hope that the words of Allah will help them to gain their emotional balance.....praying is all i can do. if u r in my place, what will you do? What steps will u take to comfort ur child??
But i know this....
love shall prevail...
the power of love can heal the pain...
and a simple hug..
a simple words of kindness...
can do wonder
to the heart...
that grieve...
*******************************************
THAnk you for hopping by. Hope to see u again the next time.....
Labels: baba in memory
posted by simah at
1:30 PM
12 Comments:
its lovely to see you back again and also photos of bayram. this is a very thought-provoking post and i'm glad to know you're coping well. i guess as parents you have to be strong for the kids. the human spirit is tougher than we think and yes insya Allah with time, all wounds shall heal.
just to add my 2 cents, i was in depression for nearly a year when my father died suddenly in 2000. at that point, it seems like a part of me had died with him and i was just existing, in a limbo between reality and a dream-like existence. alhamdulillah, i pulled through with the love and grace of Allah and other family members.
its ok to grieve. let nature runs its course. you'll get better in time. sadness is inevitable, but misery is a choice.
kendine iyi bak, my dear friend! *hugs*
salam simah,
alahai..mengalir lagi air mata saya awak buat tau..tp tak pelah, melepaskan apa yg terbuku di hatikan.
ttg mimpi tu, sebak pula saya dibuatnya. teringat mimpikan arwah ayah seminggu selepas dia meninggal.
eh, lepas ni mistik kerja ngan sapa pula ya?
simah, time will heal, insyaAllah. and you are one heck of an emotional support to them...good job, girl!
my heart goes to all of you and I am surprise inspite of recent death the kurban bayram is celebrated with guests visitings...
time will heal and its a matter of time .... I was very depressed too when my mom left us suddenly with no warnings....I dreamt of her the most somehow...even when I had a major surgery "she came and told me in my dream she is there to help me"....
Salam simah....sedih rasanya bila membaca segala yang simah ceritakan...
Tapi seperti yang selalu dikatakan...yang pergi tetap pergi...tapi hidup mesti diteruskan...moga rohnya dirahmati Allah....
Insyallah...Time will heal...
jewelhenna
**********
i totally agree with u...
*sadness is inevitable, but misery is a choice.*...
time is still too early... baba left us not even a month... we all have got each other....with Allah's permission... we will heal one day...
thanks dear :0) Al fatihah to ur arwah dad..he left many years ago..i am sure u r still missing him...
*hugs*
*******************************
kak long syikin
**************
syikin... alahai..awak ni... jgn la nangis nangis lak... memang lembut betul hati awak ni..sori la sebab entry ni mengingatkan kat arwah abah awak tu...
dalam mimpi awak tu awak nampak apa? dia datang lawat awak ker?
mistik? dia still kerja dengan family we all.. bab pembahagian harta tak settle lagi..in fact banyak benda tak settle lagi...lepas rumah baba ditutup...we all tengok la.. bulan depan mıstık akan mula dapat duit pencen dia (dia dah lama dah kerja dengan family ni)...kemungkinan besar we all setiap ahli kelarga akan tolong dia dengan hire mistik utk kerja dengan we all.. for example... satu hari dia datang kerja rumah mese..satu hari dia mai rumah saya...etc..etc... jadi bila dia datang kerja rumah orang tu..dia akan dibayar...dapat la dia support diri n keluarga next tu duit pencen dia...
-------------------------------
mama rock
********
thank mama! lepas ni lagi la bersemangat i nak support depa... it is a good thing i have got u all as my support :0)
-----------------------------
kak elle
*****
i pun baru tau adat ni lepas baba meninggal.. tapi some people in this culture tak tau adat tu... this may not be a general adat..maybe this is only in this family... i pun tak sure...
bila ur mom datang kat u n cakap mcm tu kat ur dream..it must have comforted u a lot...walau dah arwah pun dia still there for u... masyaAllah....nampak sangat sayang ibu dibawa mati...:0)
----------------------------
kak lady
******
itu la akak... yg dah adult tu boleh bawa diri sendiri.. yg saya takut kesan ke atas budak budak.. saya pun tak sangka yg hatice akan teraffected mcm ni..tapi memang normal la kan...anak anak saya sejak diaorang lahir... memang diaorang hidup depa punya life circle selalu dengan atuk dia... pada dia la depa menumpang kasih...antara cucu cucu yg dlm keluarga ni...depa rapat dengan atuk dia...
Simah ... there are so many changes and adjustments to be made, but I am sure the family will pull through with support from one another. You're a pillar of strength too :-)
Queen of the House
******************
yup.. major adjustments... major changes...
Alhamdulillah.. the zaim family tries to support each other... even in the form of dunkin donuts! hahahaha
it is tiring to be a pillar..but i have to.. for their sake... halil, hatice n baddin definitely need me more than ever now.. i simply cannot be weak for their sake
Makcik,
You are really made of stronger stuff than I am.. *hugs!!!*
Kena berkabung ke & berapa lama? The pic where almost everybody in dark colour clothing..
Part berjumpa dgn aruah dlm mimpi - siapa tak nak ye tak tapi tak semua orang dapat. Tak semua mimpi tu indah belaka - adakalanya aruah minta bantuan sekadarnya. Tapi bila mimpi dgn penuh kegembiraan & knowing them happily waiting in alam barzakh - buka mata with lingering smile on our face! T/jawab anak cucu utk pastikan sedekah jariah yg berterusan utk mereka right? Tc makcik.
rad
****
makcik...tak ader berkabung pun... yg we all paki black tu semua subconscious act kot coz black is the colour usully perfect for formal stuffs as well as in grieving...
ramai gila jumpa baba dlm mimpi..semua baba senyum dan gembira....rasanya normal la kot sebab baba is one person yg i asa agamanya memang mantap gila... plus dia ni educator dan banyak dah berjasa dalam dunia islam kat turki ni...insyaAllah dia amn di alam barzakh tu..
la ni tiap malam the kids ikut baca yasin kat mp3 tu... diaorang hadiah kat dede depa...
u take care too...rindu wei..lama dah tak chat..*hugs*
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