Stronger woman...

I was a part of the TESL Hİ CAMP CLUB during my matriculation years in PPP/ITM (Pusat Pendidikan Persediaan/İTM)....in one of the activities during one of the camping trips....we had *friends analysis*... where each of the members (i think this was the activities for commitee members of the club) were to write the strengths and weaknesses of each of their friends there. (oh yeah...i still keep that paper after all these years...caya jgn tak caya!).Here r what they came up with...Bear in mind that this was when i was in my late teens..i dont think i have entered my 20s yet then...



STRENGTHS
***********
Courageous
Has good esprit de corps
Always very careful with things she's in charge of
Very hardworking
Dedicated
Kind
Friendly
Committed
Not afraid to try new things -to volunteer
Quiet
Uncomplaining
Can take Jobs
Group oriented
Physically fit
Determined
Sporting (although she knows people say she's slow)
Trustworthy
Intuitive
Finishes her homework on time
Always follows instructions
Helpful
Motivated



WEAKNESSES
************
Forgetful
Careless-clumsy
Quite disorganised
Lacks courage and confidence-low self esteem
Sometimes too engrossed in her own work that she fails to thing of other people i.e help other people
Blur - blank
Has to wait for orders -dependent
Slow
Too trusting
Feel guilty -blames herself at the wrong time
Not assertive
Does not stand up for herself
Quite vague in her ideas
Falls asleep easily


Miss Yates (our advisor'z advice) to me then was..


*You have to be more focussed both in your thoughts and actions. Pay more credits to your own ideas- sometimes, they are worth it*


Yes...I have to agree with her...the low self esteem i had then was affecting my personality development...that had held me back from developing 100 percent the adventurous, spontaneous, mischievious,essentric person that i should be/am...


I am not going to tekan butang and compliment myself on what they thought my strengths were/are..... tak main la puji diri hehehehe i can imagine my *best buddy ever* rolling her eyes right now hahahahahah but dear pal.. feel free to compliment me if u want!...though i doubt that from the deepest of my heart!!! hahahahaha


but the weaknesses...let me comment on some of them...


Yes..i think i am as forgetful and as clumsy as ever... i cant remember the number of times i hit something n got blue n black all over... or the times i spill stuffs...particularly if i get tired.....clumsy... i am still... very in fact...


Too engrossed to think of others in my work till forgetting to think of others..i suppose that still applies... do u remember my one entry many months ago how if i am lost in my own thoughts... even if u r in front of me..i wont even notice u... ?? Aye! thatz me, maam :0)


Lacks of courage? hmm...i think i am one of those courageous persons there is (or have i misplaced the word with insane? *wink*)...ok..ok..now maybe...perhaps not then eh?


...My self confidence is not what it was... living in this land... having to experience things that i never thought possible.....i think i am more self confidence than what i was then... i think i am good as everyone else...i feel good being me....i used to think that being coloured is less superior than the white...Living among the whites...... i see how silly that is...i no longer compare my dark skin or my flat nose with my belovedz who is white with pointed *crooked* nose *wink*


Blur...slow....hahahaha blur??... u have to decide for urself...i suppose that will always be my unique self... but slow?? that has totally changed... i have this reputation among the moms in my kids' school as the mom who plays jengket jengket... the mom who is basically on the run (literally speaking)all the time..i am almost never without my jeans n t-shirt...in which during one of the teas i attended n i wore ladylike dress... one of the moms i am close with couldnt believe her eyes that i can be ladylike (slow? never!) :0)..active..yes..i am.. am always here and there...thus making my sports shoes a very vital part of my being...


Falls asleep easily.? Oh YES! A lady has got to have to sleep to keep her beauty eh? ... if i am tired... i am not shy to yawn..i will sleep at every opportunity....



But one thing i hate about my weaknesses is that i was quite vague with my ideas....i am not able to present my ideas effectively...i am still vague...i cant seem to focus...that for a person trained as a teacher is a totally bad trait...maybe thatz why i dont work here ? hahaha nahhh..this is purely laziness :0)..but i know i would have been one hell of a dedicated teacher if i still teach...(perasannnnnnn... cepat muntah best buddy ever! hahaha)


Not being able to focus does not mean that i do not give credit to my ideas... i didnt then...but i do now... that is why i am not shy mumbling in my blog as well as mumbling in a local newspaper once in a while....on things i feel important to voice out.. yes.. my articles in todayz zaman is the ultimate evidence that i value my ideas... thus an indirect indication that my self confidence is escalating...


All i can say for myself is this....I am not a Perfect Woman... Like everyone else...every step i take .... every moment i breathe... is a learning experience for me.... i have a lot of flaws...as well as the good sides in me...... but i also know that i am happy now..happy becoz i am able to accept myself as i am....which i couldnt years ago... i am happy to be me (despite my weight problem).... i am stronger inside and out... and Alhamdlillah even when my families n friends r in Malaysia ... i am surrounded by my other family n friends here in turkey...
All in all..i am just a simple and decent person who is getting stronger every day ...
not forgetting the woman who counts her days as well...

the tickets to fly home is safely tucked somewhere...

i look at it everyday...silly i know but then... i just cant help it...

The hotel where we will be staying in KL... the reservation is confirmed..

We will be in crown princess hotel from 13th till 17th june...

What more can i ask for??

i am wobbly inside with excitement...

I am praying hard that Allah will ease my way

to the land i miss...

to the people i long to see...

to the food i wish to gobble...

And after a long time... iwrote another article...this time on my RP renewal...

u can check it out at my articles blog...

http://www.mytzarticles.blogspot.com/

Thank You for hopping by...Hope to see u again the next time..