Zaim Look-alike Meter *Nur Hatice*

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Soy ağaci programi

It says here that Hatice looks like both halil n i...i have always thought that hatice looks more like me.. what do u think??....I did the test again using hatice's picture with a head scarf... this time it says that hatice looks 9% more like me...hmmm... anyway..this is fun! :0)

Dont forget to see baddin's meter below :0)

Zaim Look-alike Meter *Sabahaddin*

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Aile soyağacı programı

It says there that baddin has 7% more of my look... ..the second time..using another picture, the meter said that baddin looks like me still..this time with 38%! hahahah sorry tem! the physical looks... they have got from me...pout not dear beloved :0)

seriously speaking... i think the result differs from one picture to another... what does it matter which child resembles who more eh? what is important is that each child was borne into this world to be loved and nurtured to be a good person, inside and out... they are the fruits of the love of two hearts......yours and mine...

still..i think this is an interesting program definitely..

To all my beloved friends out there....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I'll be back back online in 2008... See ya!

Letz play!

It was a month ago i think. Normally, i would ask mıstık (baba's domestic helper) to go and pick baddin up from school on days when he had extra classes. That day, he couldnt. Due to that, i had no choice but to go to school. That also meant that Hatice had to stay with me in school till baddin finished his extra classes....

The bell rang at 3.50pm... and we had to wait till 6pm... hmmmm.... so what should we do??? Hatice was hungry naturally.. so i bought her the tuna sandvich... she ate that of course.... then... yup! homework time! the lighting at the school canteen was not good.. she had to strain her eyes to read... (she is learning to read this semester..she is doing well i must say)...

yup! thatz her busy reading... just look at the tissues she used there? sooo typical of her! just like her dad! hehehe we always run out of tissues.....at home, i simply let them use softtoilet papers to rub their noses...!!

but wait! it was only 4.30pm by the time she finished her homework! how should we kill our time....

That was when we decided to play this! hehehehe

Oh yeah... mother and daughter playing this..this is in the school compund itself...luckily it was dark... i didnt look that odd... i mean how many mothers do u see playing this with their daughters at the school compound?? hehehehehe

yup! jump we did.. dont be fooled by my fattiness..i was/ am a fully fit mom... i won of course! u dont think i would let her win, do u??? NO way! hahahaha but we had a swell time together....mother and daughter laughing our heads of..it was indeed a moment so precious that money will never be able to buy...

The funny part was.... it was getting dark as we were playing... there was suddenly this elderly man (assuming one of the granddad of the students) approached us....he said..

*yavrum... anna okul binası nerede?*

(dear child.. where is the pre school building)

i told hatice to show the man the building...

the man thought i was a student too coz coincidently i wore orange coloured sweater..the color of the school uniform! !

hhahahahahaah

i am sure it didnt cross his mind that a mom will play such a game! hahahaha

what a day it was...

Thank You for hopping by...Hope to see u again the next time..

I'm back!

us busy selecting the chocolates n sweets for bayram...

chocs n sweets r a must for every house...

my princess


my prince

2 siblings

my family, kurban bayram 2007

my beloved and i

my angels and i

the lights of my heart..the ones i will be lost without...

3 cousins..ediz,baddin,ekrem

merve in her seductive pose

baddin,hatice,zeynep,keremcan

hatice n zeynep

minik mustafa

baddin,ülya elif,ekrem, ediz..

busy mumching bayram chocolates... hence the cute movement of their lil mouths hehehe

our family without baba... mahture yenge joined the family this bayram...

hatice dancing

merve busy teaching the girls dance steps...

the two guys in my heart... father n son... after playing football in the living room (at 11pm!!)

...luckily our neghbour downstairs is muyessa yenge... halil's aunty! heheheeh

I really really missed u all! a mumbler who doesnt mumble and cannot stumble on her words n the grammar of the language is not really a fulfilled mumbler eh?... how was ur bayram?

how was our Bayram? Well... u could say that this year is different... For one thing, we are minus one member of the family. Normally, in the morning, after the raya prayer, the male in the family will go to the slaughtering place and will select a few sheeps and get the man in chargeto slaughter them... later some of the meat will be brought home... cut and will be cooked into the kurban bayram traditional kavurma dish .

This year however, due to the recent event, all the siblings decided to just pay the kurban money to the bodies in charge and not get the animals slaughtered in the morning as we always do every year... instead, the kavurma was made from the meat bought from the supermarket.

Alhamdulillah, this bayram went off with the least tears. We all got together at baba's place...This year, mahture yenge decided to stay in istanbul for bayram... so next to the traditional kavurma, she cooked other dishes as well..she was acting as the elder one in place of baba this year...

There is a tradition in this family.... normally after the death of a person, the first eid/bayram after that, people will come to visit his house.. as a way of saying condolences i suppose. That is why this year, all the zaim siblings, for the first 3 days of bayram, we all simply stayed at baba's place from morning till night.... entertaining the guests. We also somehow knew deep down that.... this might be the last time we all have our bayram there....Allah knows.. the zaim siblings will decide what will happen to the apartment...

So many things will change after this.Baba's place used to be the place where everyone meets during the weekends. After 2 or probably 3 months, that place will just be a memory.....

For me especially, every bayram,with meşe.... we used to take turns serving baba's guests. I am used to staying there for every bayram.. my kids too... it is a tradition i am used to eversince anne died... esp since my own family is far away... i dont have many doors to knock for bayram...It was easier to just serve baba's guests...the next bayram....such matter will be just a thing in the past.... the rule was simple: baba was the head of the family. People came to visit him. Not the other way around. Now that baba is gone... i guess we have to do the door knocking now...visiting relatives who used to visit baba...soo many changes......one step at a time, eh?

InsyaAllah slowly, things will go back to normal... for now, there are so many legal things the zaim siblings have to settle...i really hope they will settle those things soon coz the sooner things r settled..the faster things can go into a routine...the faster things will go back to normal...

the hospital bills? well.. remember the suite room baba had stayed for 2 weeks...?? If we are to pay the bills.... well.. frankly speaking... the family will have to sell a house for the bills.. i mean.. the operation cost... the medicines.... a suite in a private hospital?? that cant be cheap!...But the hospital demanded zero lira in payment...saying that it was an honour for them to serve sabahattin zaim...it was their last service to him....they did everything sincerely.... Allah Razı olsun... This is a simple act where money is not everything eh? that in this world where money is mainly D fucus of life..... honour and heart still matter....that when one had done so much for the people... Allah does repay his deeds even in this life.....in baba's case..free medical attention at the comfort of a king.

As for my beloved... after his mom died... it took him a year to return to his normal self... this time... though he acts cool to the outside world.. i see that he is affected more that before. ...which is normal of course.... he has lost the last link he has to a parent...it will take him more than a year to be normal again.... i hope my love for him will be enough to sustain him somehow...his calm appearance to the outside world doesnt fool me... he is as broken as hatice and baddin r inside....

And i.....i am ok now... i dont have time to be drowned in any form of depression...i am doing everything i can for them....i get my own support too of course...the support i get comes in many forms...in form of my blogging friends.....my family... there was one time... it came in form of Dunkin Donuts!!! (hahaha u know who u r)...ah.. there is nothing more wonderful than to be depressed and to be able to stick my teeth into that sinful weight enchancer sugary donuts! Dear..i blame u for my weight gain so far! hahahahahahahah


*************

Situation 1.
Location: Baba's Apartment.
Time: Bayram/raya/eid.

Ring ring... (conversation in turkish)
mıstık: Hello.
Caller: May i speak to Mr. Sabahattin please?
mistık: *gulped * He is not here.
caller: When will he be there?
mıstık: He wont be here. He died.
caller: when?
mıstık: more than a week ago. May i know who's calling please?
caller: silent.
The line went dead.

hehehehehehe the zaim family truly hope that whoever was at the other side of the line didnt get a heart attack! hehehehe since baba's death was all over the news and local media.. i am assuming that person must be probably out of tune of the latest news or perhaps that person was outside the country...
*******
Situation 2.
Time: Arife gece.. the eve of eid.

I was hugging baddin before putting him to sleep. He suddenly said.

"Anne, dede ya özledim"
(i miss my grandpa)

And so i suggested him that we read the Al fatihah together loudly.....and later…i said my prayer on behalf of baddin …again loudly…

"Ya Allah.. this Al fatihah is Sabahaddin's gift for his grandpa. Please tell his grandpa that baddin misses him. If you allow him, can you please let the grandpa come to his dream please? He needs to see his grandpa"

And all that time baddin's tears started to fall though he tried to control it.

The end result? I dreamt that baba and anne (my mom in law n dad in law) came to our home. They were so happy. I was serving them soup. .everyone was extremely happy that i suddenly woke up smiling. I felt this sensation as if someone just passed by me... a feeling that i was visited... perhaps baba was making his eid rounds?.....poor baddin... he didnt get the dream..i guess i needed to see the dream more than him maybe...Allah knows...
*******


Situation 3.

Location: Hatice's bed
Date: 3rd day of kurban eid.

"Anne, in my dream 3 nights ago, i saw dede (grandpa) and baba anne (grandma) at an arch shaped entrance surrounded with flowers and leaves. Dede was young in my dream. İ rushed to dede and hugged and kissed him. I wanted to say something. But suddenly i woke up and i couldnt tell him what was in my heart."

She started to cry the heartbreaking cry she keeps shedding almost every nite during bed time.

Like in baddin's case.... we both read the Al fatihah loudly. We said our prayers and begged Allah to let her dede appear in her dreams once more so that she could tell him what she wanted to say. But i also reminded her that the next morning, we would be visiting her dede's graveyard. She would be able to say what she wanted to say there. She stopped crying after half an hour.

She didnt see her dede in her dreams.

The next morning, we did visit the graveyard. The zaim family has 2 grave plots. At first, we went to the other family plot where loudly, hatice and baddin read Al fatihah for the souls of those who were laid there. Then, we went to their dede's grave... Again.. 2 siblings read the Al fatihah loudly. It was after that i told both of them to tell their dede and baba anne what were in their minds and hearts. i asked them to empty out their motions there. It was the first time they went there after their grandpa died.Hatice's tears started to flow non stop as her fingers played with the soil of the grandpa's grave... Baddin came to me... asked me to hug him...though he tried to hide it, i saw tears glistening in his eyes.... hatice continued crying as halil read yassin at both of the grave plots...

It was later that we asked them what they had told their grandparents... both said almost the same thing...

both said in their own words….something like..that.....

"dede.... i love you... dede.... i miss you. .... i want to hold and kiss you... but you are inside the ground. I cannot kiss you"

Time will insyaAllah heal the pain in their hearts...though it breaks my heart when hatice keep asking me... when can i kiss my other dede in malaysia or the fact that she is holding on to the picture i gave her of her late dede… as she kisses the picture every night as she sob..…....i dream of that one moment in time when she will be able to finally say goodbye….to stop crying herself to sleep every nite. U can see 4 urself in her bayram Picture.. she doesnt really look like her normally sweet self….

I have talked to her class teacher. I know she has been getting emotional support from her teacher. i am grateful for that. Her teacher has been very supportive of her eversince her dede got sick, taking tabs of her emotional well being. Next to the love, hugs, kisses and the words of comfort i can shower her, i am also making sure that both my kids listen to yasin on the mp3 player during bedtime... with hope that the words of Allah will help them to gain their emotional balance.....praying is all i can do. if u r in my place, what will you do? What steps will u take to comfort ur child??

But i know this....

love shall prevail...

the power of love can heal the pain...

and a simple hug..

a simple words of kindness...

can do wonder

to the heart...

that grieve...

*******************************************

THAnk you for hopping by. Hope to see u again the next time.....

Update of these days

Hatice cried the most heart breaking tears imaginable earlier on. Tears just seemed to flow non stop down her cheeks as she listened to the quran reading by a guest from adapazarı (near sapanca) tonite at his dede's place. After some time, she went to the back room, still in so much grief, cheeks still flooded with her tears. When i went there and hugged her, her tears still flowed heAvily. Nothing that Merih or Meşe said or done managed to stop her from sobbing. It broke my heart to see her suffer that way. She had and is still missing her dede. Her small heart is breaking...in a way i had never seen before.She has a very sensitive heart and the loss of her dede is affecting her far too deep. Looking at her tonite, i realised that going back to Malaysia this summer is not an option anymore. It is now a must. She needs to get to know her grandparents in Malaysia...hatice n baddin need to have at least a grandparent to fill in the void in their hearts.Please pray for her heart to be smiley again soon... the same with baddin... he is hiding his feelings inside...i just dunno what to do...

Today is the 5th day of baba's death. After the funeral that night, after maghrib prayer, the doa reading was held. around 250 people of relatives and closest friends joined in the doa. The empty apartment on the 5th floor was opened to cater the presence of the male guests while baba's apt on the 6th floor was opened for the ladies. From that day onwards, visitors kept coming in to convey their condolences. Many without being asked read quranic verses that they memorised...Doa for baba's soul.Normally, the doa reading (with relatives n friends invited) are done on the 7th day. But because 7th day will be sunday and the kids needed to go home early since there will be school the next day, it was postponed to tomorrow (saturday). Another doa will be done again on the 42th day and on the 50th day (if i am not mistaken)...

Alhamdulillah so far food was not a problem. Türk Milli Vakfı sponsored food for 2 days and Prof. Sanahattin Zaim Anafen primary school sponsored on the 3rd day... Other than that, food did come from relatives as well... countless börek came.. the same with baklava and dessert. For tomorrow, approximately 150 people are expected to come (it may be more..i dunno)... again, Anafen primary school will sponsor the food together with the waitress to serve the food... Alhamdulillah... everyone is since in lending a helping hand.

As to ask Alinlai's question.. do we all wear black for the funeral. No.. there is no such a rule here..but people normally prefer wearing dark coloured clothing (except me)...in general, the ladies wear pants or skirts (black normally).But again.. like i said.. there is no rule against wearing any other color... The male ones usually wear pants and formal shirt.

****************

Halil and a few others were on tv live...a program to discuss baba... i am so proud of him. He was good... in the way he made his points... the way he chose his words... he is a natural in front of a camera.... this is the second time i saw him speaking to the public... the first time was when they had that nite honouring baba (when he was alive).. i was impressed by him... tonite he did it again...i think baba will be proud of him if can see his lil boy tonite...

The eid..Kurban bayram in turkish and Hari Raya Aidil Adha inBahasa Melayu Baku...

From this Zaim family in Turkey, we wish you all the best for this bayram/eid/raya.

Maaf Zahir Batin... Hakkınız Helal et.

I need time to collect myself. ... that is why i am taking my leave from this blogging world for a while...Perhaps i will take avery short break..i dunno.... i will come back when i am ready......


I really appreciate all the kind words u showered me with in my time of need... esp during baba's sickness and death...but i need to settle my emotional balance..as well as trying to minimise the effects of the loss of their dede....hatice and baddin need their mom and dad...

I had written a short entry in Today's Zaman Newspaper regarding baba on the 12.12.2007.
This is the link..

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=129157


This is the lyrics of the song that is being played right now in english..

When i took first steps to walk

My parents were there to help

My father held one of my hands

My mother held the other

My lord always love them

Dont separate them from your mercy

Dont deprieve them of your compassion

My lord Always love them

Dont separate them from your heaven

Keep us united in paradise

Now that they are far away

I am far away

My lord you are the closest one

To everyone who lives

Baba in Memory - Day two (funeral)

AlHAMDULİLLAH...

Baba is finally at his resting place.

The funeral was BEAUTİFUL! Just look at the pics above. Turkish flag can only cover the coffin only on honorary occasions and baba was certainly honoured.

Look at the second picture. Yesterday,these were the only crowd. I was wrong. The inside of the big Fatih Camii (mosque) too was totally full to the maximum with people. ...in total thousands of them!! All came to pay their last respect to a man very well known, very much loved ... as an academician...as "hocanın hocası" (the educator of educators)... as an economist... as the core alongside Fethullah Gulen and his movement ...the hoca towards islamic development in turkey.

His body was bathed by professionals...sent specially by the governer of istanbul. He was escorted to the mosque by police....we were givena special bus to go to the mosque...Security was tight yesterday as people flocked there.... and we as the closest relatives were put at a special stand (see the red roof near the crowd)....as those who could not go to the jenazah prayer.... they watched the whole thing on tv live...

Baba was given a National Funeral.

I cried a thousand tears yesterday....never caring that people would stare at me...

Everybody cried there..man..women..all cried for the loss of a man who had done so much.

The moment i saw the coffin entered the mosque area, i sobbed. It was so heartbreakingly sad to know that this is goodbye... the evidence in front of me...

We were later escorted to the special stand with loads of security where in line, we waited as flocks of people in the public qued to shake our hands and convey their condolences..too many of them...*başına sağ olsun* they said... that i mostly too sad to speak just nodded my head...people of various posts...

Then, the Prime minister (Erdoğan) and the President of Turkey (Gül) came together....they chatted with mehveş as their security flocked around them....

Then..it was the final prayer...and it was people pushing in trying to grab a hold of the coffin to bring it to the transportation..of course not many could as Erdoğan nd Gül were there till the end alongside with his security... Halil however managed to carry the coffin too..his final service to his dad...

Recep Tayyip Erdoğan

Abdullah Gül

THe burial part was the hardest for me...to actually see him being rested.. Soil from the holy land (mekah n madinah) were used to cover the top part of the grave. Again..i couldnt stop myself from crying...it was too heartbreaking to see baba go..but i needed to do it...to see him go..to say goodbye.

Baba... may u rest in peace and be placed among the blessed ones.

All the zaim kids r still very devastated to lose their dede... Hatice n baddin r heavily affected. Time will ease the pain i guess...

And if u r wondering if i did get to chat with either erdoğan or Gül?

I saw them up close and personal.

Erdoğan? no chat.

Gül?

As he were heading towards the praying area, Ahmet Davutoğlu,an aide to Gül pointed out that i am baba's Malaysian bride. Gül was about to pass and he made the turn and came to me and said...

*biliyorum..biliyorum... hocam size çok bahsetti*

(i know... i know.. my teacher meaning baba)...had told me about you so many times)

-----

of course at that time.. the tv channel focussed on my face directly...yup..i was on tv too for a few seconds hehehe

I didnt feel honoured that i get to see the Pm n president close...i didnt feel honoured that i get to meet ministers and people from various posts.... whom suprisingly recognised and know about me (maybe coz for every eid..i was always there at baba serving his guests or baba had mentioned about me to them...)......If i meet them again (xcept for Gül n Erdoğan of course)... i would probably not recognise them or care who they are...

But i DO feel honoured

to be baba's daughter in law.

i do feel honoured to be able to share his love.

I do fel honoured to have borne him 2 grandchildren (next to th rest 8 by his other children)

I do feel honoured that at last till that last morning of his concious life...

i had managed to serve him as best as i could as a daugher should.

Baba... the honour is mine to be with the honoured one.

In my emotionally draught state..i am sorry if i cannot blog hop to ur blog.

and THANK YOU for all ur condolences... it helps me a lotto go thru these days..

Thank You for hopping by...Hope to see u again the next time..

Baba in memory....Day 1

Haticeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... baddinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ...i called my kids to come to my bed.

I hugged them.....and kissed them.....and spoke to them in tukish....

kids, do u remember about me telling u that when Allah calls u to return back to him.... and u will return? Remember that Allah had called ur grandma back..to leave the mortal life and come back to him??

Hatice looked at me with her big eyes and said.....*did Allah call dede back?* tears started to fall on her cheeks......baddin was trying to act *macho*....his eyes were wet too but when i asked him was that tears? he replied that something got into his eyes... he was not crying. Hatice was sobbing then...

After some time..still hugging them, i asked them how they felt at that moment....

Hatice replied.... *i wish dede can die a few days later*...
and baddin added that * i am happy coz i didnt cry*...

it was totally obvious that both were distraught...sad beyond description....

i told them that they have every right to be sad... after all, they have just lost their dede... but everytime the sadness threaten to drown their sanity... i asked them to remember 3 things...

1. their dede is now pain free....do they prefer a living dede but in pain or do they prefer a dede not living anymore or pain free...

2. their dede is finally reunited with their baba anne (grandma)...well.. it is true... baba will insyaAllah eventually be reunited with anne after Qiamat... for now.. both will be put under the same grave..... the kids think that they r doing something romantic right now heheheheh

3. their dede is probably happy where he is now. He had been looking forward to dying. And from all the things that their dede had done in his life.... he will most go to heaven.

They had bathed him today.... and from what halil told me... baba's face is very peaceful....smiling even... baba will be buried tomorrow after zohor time at the family graveyard at the other side of the bridge...

Thank YOU for all ur condolences..i am sorry i cant answer them one by one. ....

Today, we all gathered at baba's apartment.The apt is a bit dusty from 2 weeks of no care... words spread very fast... very early in the morning even, visitors started coming in... esp those who loved him best.... the people he was a hoca to...

I went there by 8.15am... as i reached there...left and right... people were busy..preparing for the advertisement to give to the newspapers... the zaim siblings calling here and there informing the tv channels of baba's demise.... calls to relatives..... calls from those who heard the news on tv....and people coming in and out to give their condolences....

i suppose meşe is the most emotionally drained one today as the whole day she has not stop talking on the phone..repeating over and over again the same thing to so many people....her mind totally numb from giref and exhaustion... that when the prime minister's wife called to convey her condolences.... she just simple had no idea who she was hehehe...she only realised that it was the prime minister's wife after she had handed the phone over to her hubby..the prime minister....The president called too....and later his wife called....all conveying their condolences....Both the prime minister and the president will insyaAllah be joining the jenazah prayer.... and later the burial...

MasyaAllah.. baba is very well loved... in the morning... a group of his beloved assistants (some r professors..some persuing other jobs)... without looking at the Al quran... in turn, they started to read the yaasin... and some holy verses.... and made the doa....

The same thing in the afternoon and later in the evening...

they offered to get the food sent over for tomorrow's doa reading after the burial... they took charge of the advertisement matter... they took care of the graveyard burial/digging... some organised that 5 busses (45 seaters per bus) to bring all to the graveyard...they offered at least 100 chairs for people coming in for the doa tomorrow.....some organised the police to lead the road as the jenazah... as baba will be transported to the other side of the bridge tomorrow...security will be tight too as many will flock the camii (masjid) for praying for baba.....i will tell u the whole thing tomorrow....but one thing for sure... the close family members will have to wear a security tag...if we ever dream of coming near baba's coffin...it will be haywire tomorrow...i really dunno what will happen.. but i know one thing though... i want to be there..to send baba off to his final destination...to say goodbye...i need to...

As countless teas were served today... as countless plates of borek being presented to the guests today.... safa, merve, hatice and zeynep..were in the back room.. crying...looking for some form of comfort in each other's presence.... zeynep and hatice definitely rarely left merve's side...baddin... though he doesnt show it.... he too is sad beyond words...

As for my halil...He accepts what had happened... he is in fact happy that baba is gone... coz baba didnt suffer much pain even though he had bone cancer... halil is happy coz he was on duty that last nite to look after baba...... he is happy that that morning..his kids got to see a happy dede....he was happy that his wife had done her best to look after his dad....and he is happy most because... baba went peacefully, as he had dreamed of...but the pain of losing a dad close to his heart... is beyond description.....he is being strong...and i intend to be by his side whenever he needs me.

Our view were locked on the tv a few times today....as they showed baba's memoir on tv.... tears couldnt stop falling in our hearts as we watch the face of the one we love on tv...yet..he is gone...

These r the links to the news clipping of baba's death...

IN ENGLİSH (thanks jewel hnna)

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=129026

IN TURKİSH


http://www.zaman.com.tr/haber.do?haberno=622786

zaman gazetesi.


http://www.yenisafak.com.tr/gundem/?t=09.12.2007&c=1&i=86590


Yeni Şafak



http://www.yenisafak.com.tr/gundem/?t=09.12.2007&c=1&i=86603



Yeni Şafak



Thank You for hopping by...Hope to see u again the next time..

Pergilah..

I just recieved a call from Halil at 4.30am just now.

My beloved baba is gone.

Al fatihah.

It was only yesterday at 8.30am in the morning, the kids and i went to the hospital to visit him. He was really really cheerful to see hatice and baddin.He made the *good good* sign as he stared at them. I managed to feed him his last breakfast...fruity yogurt and tea...before i left for home with the kids and halil (saturday was my cuti day).... only to be told a few hours later that baba's heart stopped breathing and he was in the intensive care unit.I thought i saw a man in white in a glimpse on thursday before baba had that trembling seisure (due to fever). I guess that man in white never really leave baba's side till now, eh?No wonder i had that strong urge to snap a pic of hatice n baddin with their dede when we went there yesterday...but halil decided against it.

My kids will be hit by this news really hard early in the morning. They have lost a link to a grandparent where they can hold and kiss since my own parents r far away. I think i have done the best i could while he was alive.... and last summer, baba, the kids and i together with mıstık... we basically spent the summer in sapanca together...a lot...I am grateful for that. Sekurangnya hatiku tak terkilan...


We all *redha*... ..Baba....May Allah put ur soul among the highest people..the last 3 days of his life, i sensed that he had found his peace....huzur...sad as we all r...baba...ur time came and u went...hakkın helal et...seni seviyorum...seni özleceğim...

i am waiting for my beloved to come home from the hospital. ....he is baba's lil boy...he must be so sad right now...


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Cruel news

How could they do this to us? Informing the public of baba's death without confirming with the family first? 2 tv channels in fact did the announcement.... in which we all learnt thru calls from relatives about *baba's death*...??? This is a really unforgivable error for big channels like these!

True... baba's heart stopped beating at 12 noon today. True... he is in intensive care. True...that the doctor told us not to put on much hope....true..we all know deep down that it is only a matter of time....but a child shouldnt be hearing the news of his/her father's death from the mouth of others..and definitely NOT before his time of death!

Though.. they corrected the news. later...but by then..the zaim siblings' telephone had started ringing...we had to correct everyone that baba is still alive though his life is connected to a machine... it is a matter of time....just imagine some people from ankara were already on their way to istanbul when they heard the news on tv...a group of people from adapazarı were on their way too..........others wanted to rush to the hospital too but the family suggested against it..

in such a time like this... having to deal with visitors from outside is the last thing the family needs.... all we all need is to bundle together in each other's presence....and just be together.....reading the holy words of Quran ...just being together..trying to deal with our grief...the handpones still do not really stop ringing...even the president's call with get well wishes meant nothing right now.... coz the family is only thinking of the dear father....who is very much loved..but who is now living on the thin line between life and death. Turkey is losing one of its most prominent hoca...he is just baba...simply baba to us...

May Allah ease his suffering soon...we all redha..even if it means having to say goodbye. Seni seviyorum baba!

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Lessons being learnt

Today... wednesday , i find him cheeky and cute... there is something about him....the way he tried to make jokes even in his fragile condition... the way his eyes twinkled as he tried to show me his preferred way of feeding him tea ( i still cant get it right hehehe).... or the way he smiled when something tickled him....or at times when i found him staring at me when he thought that i was not looking at him.......and he smiled..just like a cute boy ...esp without his teeth... of course when his one and only daughter was here..yup..that'll be our beloved Meşe..... he got a bit grumpy... demanding her all the time... which i understood as the fact that he wanted his daughter to be with him... deal with him...which i fiound really sweet... I sense this peacefulness in him despite his condition...which in a way makes me happy... though deep down i felt more scared than ever......


Frankly speaking, i am not a caring person. I was not born with the trait of being caring. I just dunno how to be caring...i was totally clueless on how to be caring...It is a trait that i learn as i go along in my life... especially after i got married.... being caring doesnt come naturally to me...

And not being caring... what do i know about looking after an elderly sick person eh? Seriously, i dont! ..And eversince baba has been hospitalised, i am learning thru observation....looking at how people do this and that... so when it was my turn to do this and that...i startto have some confidence to do so and so.....me learning to be a caring person....to learn to be less self centered person that i am.......



What i've learned so far while looking after baba?? Well..i defintely have learned a few things ......
1. I learnt in school when i was in high school.. the concept of tayammum(taking the wudhuk)...using sand... looking at baba... since he couldnt do the tayammum with the sand... what he did was/is... he asked for a small table... put on his stomach..the surface facing him... the surface of the table as the base...and he did his tayammum there....a lesson learnt


2. I am actually a deviant rebellious bride....when baba was healthy... if he say A..i will say B...i felt the need to rebel...him being sick n all... i nowadays have learned to say *yes*... instead of *no*... (though i'd still love to say *no* deep down hehehe)..


3. When baba was still early in his hospital days, he used to trust only mıstık (the male helper), and his own children to look after him... Now that i think he finally realised that this one bride is not really going anywhere...esp early in the mornings on weekdays... i think he has finally succumb himself to my presence and has start trusting me to look after him (it is usually me and mıstık in the mornings)...that i think is a good development...for me...this is a life lesson so precious that money cant buy... i dah naik pangkat hehehe


4. Physically, baba may be fragile and sickly... but there is nothing wrong with his mind... it doesnt stop thinking...the more he is sick.. the more he thinks....


5. Baba gets angry at mıstık (his prime target).... he gets angry at his children (esp when he is irritated over something)..and masyAllah..very rarely (Hopefully forever) he gets angry at me hehehehe..less wrath comes to me hehehehehe ....dillin ısırın simah!! nazar olmasın :0)


6. Baba has a certain system of doing things... the way he wakes up.. the way he wants to be looked after...the way he wants his mouth to be wiped up....or the way he drinks his tea... he lives by his personal system... which really reminds me of baddin...same name..sama character... hmmm..


7. Baba knows he is dying (though nobody directly told him that). But he is determined to do whatever is best for his health....and not let the sickness engulf him in sadness. his determination i can see in him... But he is deteriorating... he doesnt even recognise the difference between day and nite... and time is a difficult concept for him to gasp nowadays...

8. Even in his sickly condition, he still thinks of us and not of himself... today (thursday), he told meşe that he wanted to be discharged from the hospital and he asked meşe to find out the cost of his medical expenses... ..he doesnt want to burden his kids in any way...But i think after today's insident( his uncontrollable shiver)... i think he can be easily convinced that staying in the hospital is the best for him right now...like i said in my article, the hospital staff r looking after him very well...

9. I discover that i fel extremely tired by the end of each day...i mean..how can that be? babysitting baba at the hospital doesnt really involve a lot of activities..only that i have to be alert at every movement baba makes....my eyes totally focus on him... with not much room to stray...i suppose the exhaustion is due to emotional endurance...i mean...putting brave face for that many hours can drain away ur energy...

which is why...i am realy realllly sorry if i cant blog hop to ur blog... i would love to membalas lawatan to ur blog.. but i just dont have the energy...will try to during the weekends when i *cuti*.. but the entries.. i have to write coz i need to release what is in my mind...mumbling...relaxes me..

Truth? Our fight is againts time... to have one more moment with him each second..each minute...whenever possible......everyday..till Allah the Almighty decides to call him *home*


Pain? to see him struggle.......Yet, u have to put a brave face and let not the pain in ur heart gobble ur soul.......coz u know..it doesnt benefit anyone... and so u smile...and dream of dunkin donuts heheheheh (wei... berat badan dah naik teruk wei!!...pls..dont ask what i weigh now!!)


Hope? That he will go peacefully....with the least pain...


And so we all pray..and we all *redha*...in such a time like this... u learn a lot of things about life....and to have ur family around u for even the simplest of support is a wonderful bonus indeed...

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Health and Care

The Sema Hastane where baba is staying, i was told was on red alert yesterday. Everybody panicked. Were they being ambushed by terrorists??A few men with gun came to the hospital,did a thorough security check..interrogated the staffs...... 45 minutes later..... official cars....with more men with guns..... entered the hospital compound. One of the guys looked very familiar, the people thought.... Ah...

isnt that Sayin Recep Tayyip Erdoğan..the Prime Minister of Turkey?

Yup... The one and only... one very charismatic guy indeed (i wasnt there to see him in person)... at Sema hastanesi.. to visit baba...a hoca (educator)... and

who says educators are not precious, eh?

See?

even the prime minister came to visit... i wonder when the president will come....

And today, another of my article has been printed on Today'z Zaman...Yup.. this unpaid mumbler is mumbling again... please note... i wrongly wrote *spouse*...dunno why i made that mistake.. i guess deep down i wanted anne to be here at this time of need i suppose... anyway....

u can click on the picture to read the article... or u can go to the link below..... ur choice..

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=128475

n if u have missed my previous articles of my life in turkey.... feel free to click to these two links below......

Developing potential-


http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=127439

I will gladly take the back seat, thank you!

http://www.todayszaman.com/tz-web/detaylar.do?load=detay&link=126342

baba's update:

He doesnt look good today. he couldnt sleep last nite...today, the doc gave him medication and he slept during the day....he looks fragile... i can barely understand his speech nowadays... i am planning to go to the hospital monday till friday from 7.35am (after i kick the kids off to school) and leave the hospital by 2.30pm...(to catch the kids before they reach home from school at 4.35pm)... i dunno why... today.. alone with baba in his room... i simply love watching him sleep.. it felt difficult to leave the room...

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FALLiNG in LOvE AGAİN!!!

and at the age of 7... she is now..

soon to be a lady .... bergaya jgn tak bergaya hatice! hahaha

here i was scanning photos (loads) for baba's autobiography to be printed....well... soon (if i can finish scanning them fast! heheh...banyak ooooo...sakit dah pinggang scan gambaq... banyak gilaaaa... ni baru habis suku file scan....)..the kids called me to the living room and showed me these photos... Ahhhhh... my dear cadı hatice! i remember those times well... she was a total nightmare..a total cadı (witch) then...And i fell in love again....baddin...sorry kiddo! anne will love u another time heheheeheheh just kidding!

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